23 Magazines and Not One in the Bathroom

I have some pretty highbrow magazines coming to my mailbox. I'm one of those erudite, horn rimmed glasses kind of girl, don't ya know.

Um, not really.

But magazines, or any other reading material for that matter, do not make their way into the bathroom. Staph germs on the pages I flip through?! The horror. Not under my roof.

There are actually pretty flighty publications that pepper my reading list which tends to get a little heavy and hearty. My brain needs material that requires no more attention than a wee bit of perusal while I engage in other activities like watching Alton Brown or listening to Mac Daddy hammer out flight costs and times for a holiday trip to see family back in Wisconsin. I read magazines during my brain's down time.

And, because I work in marketing, it's helpful to see and read what resonates with various audiences these days. For instance, here's what I've learned: Sex sells to both men and women. Children are becoming miniature adults. Everyone eats. Fashion makes us feel like shit about ourselves. Celebrity worship is alive and kicking. Dockers is making a comeback. People still sport the milk mustache. Paul Mitchell must stop starring in his own ads. Target rocks. People are actually willing to spend a mortgage payment on a handbag. Men are eternally trapped in the bodies of 12-year old boys. No one is a natural blond. Indian women apparently do not live in America.

Here's what I currently have a subscription to (and yes, I do read them all, albeit not necessarily in the month in which they were delivered):

1. Southern Living - Fantastic recipes and tidbits on gardening (I live vicariously.)
2. Cooking Light - Easy recipes that I actually have the ingredients for, and most importantly, dessert often makes the cover story
3. Food & Wine - Add shoes and you've got a purely perfect publication.
4. Details - Men's fashion and what nots that are a good insight into the metrosexual lifestyle.
5. Maxim - Tasteless and sexist, but the jokes are funny.
6. Glamour - Still a keeper after all these years. Funny, now all those articles about wrinkles and hair color speak to me.
7. Inc. - Hipper than your average business rag.
8. Entrepreneur - Does the opposite of inspiring me; makes me curl up and give up.
9. Wired - Not written in a language I understand.
   
10. Marie Claire - Fashion. Blah. Make Up. Blah. Boyfriends. Blah.
11. Lucky - Shopping, shopping, and more shopping. Love the little stickies inside to mark what I covet.
12. Allure - Hair and make up, two things I don't do. I'm a ponytail and swipe of mascara and black eyeliner girl (liquid only).
13. Self - Awesome workouts, but the lithe models don't fit the "all women are beautiful" message.
14. Consumer Report - A must-have if you ever buy anything.
15. National Geographic Traveler - Cool trips but out of my reach.
16. Conde Nast Travel - Way out of my league. More living vicariously.
17. Cookie - Fabulous girl clothes that are fabulously expensive. Not for the poor or frugal. And totally unrealistic visual representation of motherhood.
18. Parent - Your basics. Moms, kids, meals.
19. Brain, Child - Fantastic essay writing with no fluff.
20. W - Too big for my mailbox. Obnoxious fashion. And I've hated the letter "W" for at least four years now.
21. Rolling Stone - Lost all faith when the Jonas Brothers were on the cover.
22. Newsweek - Anna Quindlen.
23. Domino - Cool, funky, fresh home decor ideas and inspiration that are actually affordable and doable.

And I did learn one funny little tidbit from this month's Glamour: Apparently Meghan McCain won't be running for office any time soon (wipe brow and exhale here). However, she did say, and I quote, "I would help run a campaign but, I would never run for office. I've seen how it affects families, and I'd like to have one someday." Hmmm... Clearly the interview was ages ago since it made the September issue, meaning it took place before Sarah Palin was a household name.

So what magazines are in baskets and bathrooms around your house?

Bringing the Swagger Back One Hot Man at a Time



Dude, I love this commercial. I've watched it over and over again and crack up every time. Granted, I have a pretty lame sense of humor but I laugh with/at Mommy Pie with the rest of 'em.

Here's what I love about this ad:

1) The product name Swagger is pure genius. Swagger is a word we don't inject into our vernacular nearly enough. I suppose it's because few men really swagger anymore. Really, can you name one man who swaggers and gets away with it? Mac Daddy is a Leo so he should swagger, but he's the most un-Leo of any Leo I know. If Mac Daddy swaggered he'd just look like he had been riding a mechanical bull in an out-of-the-way airport bar on the outskirts of Pittsburgh for way too long. Or he'd look like someone stuck a gnawed corncob up his butt.

2) The tagline is perfect. "The scent that makes a difference." It totally goes with the commercial, the brand personality, and all the psychological consumer marketing mumbo jumbo stuff that account planners work very hard to figure out and copywriters and art directors work very hard to make come to life. I rank it second to the best tagline ever.

3) The squeal. More perfect than Erkel. I cringe when I hear it. Perhaps because I can relate. Since I'm on the cusp of 40, and my extraordinarily geeky middle school days are about 17,029 exits behind the road I travel on now, I can admit this publicly; I was the girl version of the squealer back in the day.

And the final reason I love this ad:
LL Cool J. Really, need I say more? I might go into heat if I do.

Ad Cents

Is anyone aware of the proposed legislation to limit the ability of small publishers and bloggers to carry or sell advertising? I've just heard of it from a graduate school alum (helps to be part of a Journalism school listserv). This could affect Google AdSense and operations like Federated Media.

It seems that the Internet Advertising Bureau is the only group trying to battle this legislation. Anyone have insight on this issue? I can understand how this could be under the radar for me because I am living at a frenetic pace these days, but how could it get by my blogging brethren? Is it for real? Is there more to know? Am I over reacting? Please shed some light on this girl in the dark.

Yoo hoo! That would be me. Over here. No, here. Just follow the sound of my panting and hyperventilating. I'm in the corner behind the stack of to-do lists, bills, business cards, receipts, dog eared recipes from Cookie, and Post-it notes of books to buy (which include Sacred Hunger, Silent Spring, The World Without Us, Mississippi Sissy, Loving Frank, Blessed Unrest, and Blindness in case you're wondering).

What up, man? This mama needs a new pair of shoes!

About 5000 Messages a DAY Trying to Sell You Something

Guess what Mac Daddy, Bird, and Deal are doing right now? I will bet you all the lovely, strappy, citrus hued shoes in the Nordstrom's shoe department that you won't guess correctly.

Spending quality time with Moose A. Moose?
Making pink pancakes?
Cleaning up pee from the floor?
Beating each other with helium balloons?

Nope. Not that they haven't already done all those things this morning.

Mac Daddy, Bird, and Deal are watching American Idol. David Archuleta has entranced them at the moment. Deal does not even like television, yet the magic of American Idol has its glitzy showbiz grip on my son. My 2 1/2-year old son. You know what he just said? "I wish I could be that boy." Gulp. Do I have a Clay Aiken on my hands? Should I get him an agent so he can dazzle audiences on the Mickey Mouse Club? What the #@*!

So from where did this stem? This American Idol curiosity. Oddity, even.

McDonald's. As in the hamburger joint. You know the one. Of Happy Meal fame.

The boys got American Idol toys in their Happy Meals recently. Oh, please. Like you don't indulge your kids with crap to stuff their little faces with from time to time. The innocent Hershey's Kiss doled out to pottying toddlers or a Cinnabon to give in to the senses at the mall? Don't judge me for patronizing McDonald's. It's not like my guys eat fries and drink Dr. Pepper. They get the apples (no caramel dip) and milk (white). Trust me, the kids at Dirt & Noise eat quite well, even for grown up standards.

Bird and Deal were rockin' out to the American Idol happy meal dudes they scored. They made a pretend stage and had a rock concert. Then the questions started. All from a logo. Preschoolers know what logos are! Granted, their mother (that would be me, and I enjoy referring to myself in the third person time to time) works as a marketing consultant. Words and concepts like logo, brand, and consumer are already implanted into my children's psyche.

Sidebar: I'm willing to bet that Bird and Deal understand branding better than most adults who think a brand is simply a logo. Maddening, it is! I suppose all the banter about end caps, shelf talkers, and EDLP in the grocery aisles is paying off.

Bird and Deal wanted to know all about American Idol, which of course included wanting to watch it. Since they go to bed at 7:15 it was out of the question. "What about DVR"" asked Bird. OMG. The things they learn and know at this age astound me. And so here we are watching American Idol on a Sunday morning. And here are my boys latching on to David Archuleta. Perhaps because they can sense he is a youngin to whom they can relate.

And this brings me (finally!) to the issue at hand - marketing to children. McDonald's usually has Happy Meal toys that advertise movies that the Happy Meal Set cannot even watch. I'm pretty sure that rated PG kids aren't satiated by one meager burger and apples. Pirates of the Caribbean for three-year olds. Really? Spiderwick Chronicles for America's four-year olds? What, do we want to invite nightmares into our late night slumber? Why promote movies that are inappropriate to the audience? It sure makes life harder for us parents. I love the grocery check out lines that are labeled "No candy." As if teaching graciousness and thankfulness isn't difficult enough.

Bird and Deal mostly watch commercial-free television, but that doesn't mean they aren't subjected to and exposed to other forms of advertising. Now remember, planting messages into people's heads is my livelihood. The irony is that I want to protect my children from it. Selling high fructose corn syrup snacks (especially under the guise of being GOOD FOR YOU!) and skater dude video games to little kids is not OK. I know that kids influence many, many purchasing decisions in the household. And many, many parents succumb. I just wish that everyone, people like me included, would think about the bigger picture and promote positive images and products to our youth.

I'm not suggesting that parents are to be absolved of responsibility or that we should not indulge our children. Could we just be more mindful of the effects of what we are selling to our children? Little girls don't need Bratz dolls. They will face a long road of body image and confidence struggles without those hoochie dolls sexing them up at a tender age. Boys don't need to develop skater dude too-cool-for-school attitudes in preschool. Once lost, innocence cannot be found. Unlike happiness, innocence is a destination. Once you've been there you cannot leave, and it follows you everywhere.

Let us diminish the ill effects of marketing to kids and replace those messages with positive ones. American Idol is innocent enough. Rated G merchandising is innocent enough. I don't have a problem with the likes of Nemo or Curious George making their way into our toy boxes. I can even handle American Idol. There's a clear demarcation in my household because Mac Daddy and I drew the line.

Must I remind you of Joe Camel?