On My Mind in Downward Dog

I got my body flowing at the gym this morning. I took some new class called Body Flow that supposedly adds a dash of pilates, a dollop of tai chi, and a whole stinkin' handful of yoga, mixes it all up, and gets your chi centered and your abs shakin'. Only not so much. Like with anything, when you take the best pieces of stuff thinking it's going to make a magnificent new widget, it fails miserably. This was the crazy quilt of gym classes. The indiviual elements are way better than the sum of their parts. I just wasted an hour getting gyped. One hour of time that I'll never get back. You know how much I hate to work out anyway so this was particularly irritating.

So instead of feeling all centered and relaxed and other such stuff that I'm pretty much incapable of achieving anyway, here's a taste of what galloped around my mind while doing sun salutations, warriors 1 - 3, and downward dog:

John, Paul, Ringo,.... Who the heck is the other Beatle? Hmmm, can't even picture him. John, Paul, Ringo, drawing a blank. Must remember to ask Kate.

I have organic beets in the fridge. What shall I do with them? Maybe I'll try making soup. It is soup season. Damn, it's cold.

I need to pay some bills. Must remember to pay bills. Must remember to pay bills.

Whatever happened to my old friend Portia Barnhart? She's not on Facebook. Why the heck aren't people on Facebook?!

It's only been 15 minutes?! Egads.

Where can I find those mitten and boot warmer thingees that you pop and use to stay warm? I need to find some before we march in the Christmas parade on Saturday morning. Too bad it will be too inappropriate and too early to add some bourbon to my coffee to stay warm. Or will it?

I really need a haircut. What am I going to do about this gray hair?

Gary is a funny name. Funny name for a sweet swaddled newborn. Baby Gary. Not working for me. Roxanne too.

Is it going to take us seven hours to drive to DC again this Thanksgiving?

When is this class over?

That's girl's pose looks totally worse than mine. Look at me, rockin' the yoga pose. Ooops, not so much.

I think I don't like yoga because the clothes show every bulge. I would look great in fencing gear.

My friend Nancy fenced in college. She's not on Facebook either.

Grilled cheese for lunch?

I haven't bought new shoes all season.

I went to Target three times this week. I have a feeling we'll go again before the week's over.

Deal's room needs a rug.

How can I be Indian and suck so much at yoga? My people must be ashamed of me, first math and science, now yoga. We invented this stuff, didn't we?

That instructor is so thin she's concave.

I hate that she is saying tushie. What, are we three year olds in here?

Um, what time is it?

Don't let me fall asleep during this vibration meditation thing. This is not my idea of a good time.


So you see, the class was a bust. And I have recipes to find and people to track down on Facebook.

Channel your childhood yogi.

I don't remember high school and college boys being as buff, rugged, and sculpted as they seem to be these days. I guess I'm talking about boys in the heyday of their teenage years. Teenagers! On the flip side, I don't recall children being the chubby little roly polys they are today. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that I've met little kids with a bigger waist than mine. I'm referring to the under 10 set. The definition of irony, no?

When Bird was a baby he was so fat that his wrists looked like someone wrapped rubber bands around them. Deal's cheeks were so chubby that we were seriously thinking he secured an acorn self storage gig with the squirrels shacking up in the attic. Oh, how I loved to nestle into that baby fat and just relish the kinetic energy it held.

That same baby fat ain't so cute when the kid is conjugating verbs. The obesity epidemic in America is startling. Ditto to the crap our kids are eating, rather the crap we are feeding them. And how long til our sons and daughters need physical therapy to manage the Wii thumb they've developed. Seriously, is playing tennis with a new fangled joystick thingamabob better than hitting topspins outside on some real clay? I can see the benefits of the Wii for the elderly, but come on, kids should be playing for real. Screw this virtual crap.

And don't get me started on the demented body image issues that we as a society are inflicting upon young girls. Apparently a local kindergarten teacher even bestowed an award for "Best Dressed" to one little beribboned girl. Shame. Shame. Shame. Is this what we call education these days?

What happened to the age of the naturally active kid? Neighborhood? Preponderance of over scheduled activities (like the 5-year old kid who took tennis lessons wearing his baseball uniform only to leave the lesson early to play in a baseball game)? Busy parents? No friends? What the hell has changed from the "Be home before dinner" mentality from my youth? Don't you remember running amok in the neighborhood, stopping to pee at whomever's house was closest?

In steps my friend Jen. For the record, she is one of the smartest, most grounded, generous spirits I have crossed paths with in a long, long time. I'm lucky to now count her among my friends. She, with a friend of hers, is trying to affect childhood obesity and overall health awareness in our little neck of the proverbial woods. I think their approach to overall health, self discipline, and mindfulness is a refreshing change of pace for which our children are hungry.

In Jen's words:

"I recently went to New York and went to training to teach children's yoga. This whole process has kind of been my "aha" moment if you will. Most of you have heard my tirades about the state of the health of America's children....from the food they eat to their lack of exercise. I have been trying to figure out a way I could do something about it instead of just complaining about it.

I began doing yoga when my mother was very sick with cancer years ago. It has been such an amazing change in my life. I find clarity and calm, balance and stress release. Can you imagine what it would be like to have these skills to just calm down during your middle school and high school years? Especially in today's world of computers, text messages and video games! I had fourteen 4 and 5 year olds playing a game where no one spoke because they were focusing so hard on what they were doing. They didn't even realize it! They also were champs at relaxation at the end of class. It was truly amazing."

Jen and her business partner will initially be starting a children's yoga program at a local school, Learning Together. The ultimate goal is to bring yoga to Wake County Public Schools. Their efforts and passion have been rewarded with an awesome grant opportunity from the Blue Cross Blue Shield Million Step March grant campaign. The winner is chosen by total number of votes: this is where you come in.

If Jen can get the most votes, the winner, her kids' yoga program, will win $75,000 to start up a yoga program for school children. More information is available here. Bird and Deal have a couple of kid yoga DVDs that they love. Both boys can do a mean down dog.

You can help Jen out by going to Blue Cross Blue Shield's website and voting for the grant. Also, if you know of anyone whom you think might be interested in helping out by taking a minute or two to vote, please forward this to them! You can vote everyday (unrealistic, I know, but whenever you can remember to would be great!). Here are the instructions...

1. Click here.

2. Scroll down to the Learning Together proposal and select vote now (they are in alphabetical order). You will need to enter your email address and confirm the vote when you get a return email.

Each email address is allowed one vote per day. The voting ends May 16th.

Think of the shame, anxiety, and self esteem issues you'll be sparing an overweight, unhealthy youth. Or the confidence you just might impart to a young girl.

Do it for my friend Lori. She was a chubby, taunted kid when we were too young to read Judy Blume or wear training bras. She died of heart failure due to anorexia when we were 16.