Monday, July 13, 2009

Things I Didn't Say When I Was 5

My Bird is teetering on the cusp of 6. He just finished kindergarten and is warming up for first grade. First grade! Bird is a smart one. I realize that statement holds no credibility, considering they are borne from the keyboard of me, his mother. But trust me, he is a smart cookie. I imagine he takes after me. Ahem. Bird's precocious in a way that is charming and often alarming.

I wish I could hook him up to a tape recorder, if such a thing still exists, so I could capture the funny, crazy, silly, ridiculous stuff that he blurts out. I am amazed at the way his brain works, not only as a testament to the inner workings of his very being, but the sheer shift in how times have changed.

Just a sampling of things I know I did not say when I was 5-years old:

  1. This one time, in Chinese class...
  2. My German teacher said...
  3. That water is zu heiss!
  4. I think we need surround sound.
  5. Whale is a three-way homonym.
  6. But's a homonym too.
  7. That hair is called blonde, not yellow, Deal.
  8. I'm a LEGO architect.
  9. Actually, Mommy, that is a crustacean.
  10. My brain must be smart because my head is hard, not mushy.
  11. Take my picture! Now can I see it?
  12. Can you please pause the TV while I go to the bathroom?
  13. Can you please fast forward through the commercials?
  14. More proscuitto, please.
  15. I'd like to have mussels for dinner tonight.
  16. Do those popsicles have high fructose corn syrup in them?
  17. The guy in that Hummer thinks he's so cool.
  18. That huge car is bad for the environment.
  19. Here are my plastic sandwich bags to wash and reuse.
  20. Every animal has a job to do on our earth.
  21. Sometimes you don't know who's a man and who's a woman because boys can have long hair and earrings.
  22. We need some more olives.
  23. Smoked salmon for breakfast? Only if we have capers?
  24. Super heroes don't exist. Someone just made up the stories to teach us stuff about being strong and respectful.
  25. That house is obnoxious!
  26. Today in school we learned about nanotechnology.
  27. Don't forget to pack the beer for the grown ups!
  28. Sometimes the truth makes people feel bad.
  29. Are you going to blog about that. Mommy?
  30. Are you going to tweet what I just said?

So tell me, what are your kids saying that floor you?

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Magpie said...

He is funny. And apparently a GREAT eater.

colby said...

My son says, I want to see the picture after I take one, I am making a sugar free cake, we are big on not eating a lot of sugar. Those are the only two I can think of early this morning.

soco said...

I loved it when my oldest was only 2.5, we'd go to the park and she'd say "look - a conifer!" Thanks to They Might Be Giants "C is for Conifer".

Now she's 4, she comes home from school talking about isosceles triangles and isthmuses. I'm pretty sure the church preschool I went to didn't get much beyond singing the ABCs and counting to 20.

Anonymous said...

What a kid! I'm floored. My son told Slugger yesterday that his dad called him an asshole. D had actually said, "You'll be SOL" which Mr. G interpreted as "asshole." Floored, yes. Impressed? Ummmm....

Jen L. said...

He is extra-awesome. The salmon withe capers one about had me rolling on the floor.

Anonymous said...

When asked why he wants to get one computer as opposed to the other, "That one has a faster processor!"

landismom said...

I think I like "I am a Lego architect" best (even though it is not solely a 21st century sentiment).

My kids learned how to titrate at summer camp last week. Landisdad said, "I don't think I did that till I was a junior in high school!"

I said, "ti-what?"