Sunday, November 8, 2009

I Just Don't Get It

Based on some recent and some not-so-recent observations, I've been chronicling things that I just don't get. Some of this stuff simply makes my scratch my head (but not in that "That little itch could be telling you something." kind of way). Some of it simply irks me. All of it leaves me thinking "I just don't get it."

The Dirt & Noise I Just Don't Get It List

People who keep their dining room tables set at all times. Even though they never sit down for a meal there. Ever. Don't those dishes and swan folded napkins just get all dusty? Seems to me that after a while, your dining would start feeling like a restaurant that no one patronizes. It becomes a sad place rather than the hub of family time, festivity, and fabulous fare.

People who have formal living rooms with hand carved chess pieces left just-so on an ottoman by the fireplace. Keep in mind, these are people who are not clever enough to play chess.

People who have formal rooms that children are banned from. I figure my house is my kids' house too so why would I ban them from playing where they want to? Sure, we have rules. Like no sumo wrestling in the living room. No playing frisbee inside the house. I've been jolted by the sound of a pottery lamp shattering and multiple spills of a kelanchoe plant (three times in just one evening of late). Such is the price we pay to having children dwell among us. What are the alternatives? A kennel? The garage? The neighbor's tree house? Look, having children is what makes this house a home. I'll be damned if I ban them from being playful children in their own home.

Raisins. Why ruin a perfectly good grape that could be eaten in its juicy succulence or smashed into wine? Hmmmm...wine or trail mix filler? You tell me the better use for a grape.

Ferrets. And their owners.

Scrapbooking. Oh, I'm sensing some hate mail here. What I mean is that I don't get the actual crafty act of scrapbooking. I totally appreciate the end result but I don't want to paste a bunch of forget-me-nots and argyle socks and candy canes all over a book laden with cutesy captions. Call me old fashioned but I sorta prefer the ol' photo album (acid free paper, natch). And did I just use "scrapbook" as a verb?

Vanity plates that boast the make of a car. Like "BMW" on a BMW. Um, doesn't the logo already tell me that, dude? Redundancy (and idiocy) at its finest. Waste of money there. Clearly someone who has money to burn yet not a brain cell lit up.

I'd like to add Bible verse license plates too. This is not something I saw until moving to North Carolina. Tell me, Midwestern friends and readers, do you see this anywhere in the frozen tundra? I don't recall any of that from my 10 years freezing my bloomers off up there.

People who eschew cake frosting. Worse are those who prefer whipped cream topping to frosting. Blasphemous cake eaters!

Wall-to-wall carpeting. I've had it in all the apartments I ever lived in. I never liked it. It smells like carcinogens. What's the point exactly?

People who hang a big ass television over the fireplace mantel. In my world, that's an interior design no-no deserving of a Glamour magazine black bar. This one's for you, Sam. wink. wink.

Couples who take separate vacations. I mean separate his and hers getaways all the time yet no rendez vousing together. Nothing better than Mac Daddy by my side and a lazy stroll following our taste buds' every whim through the streets of a new city. I reckon that might happen again in oh, about 14 years. Til then, it's Family Vacation. Chevy Chase style, baby.

People who don't read. Books are my drug. My escape. My fantasy. My brain stretch. My dreams. My love. Nothing in my life has made me prouder than watching my son, my Bird, learn to read.

So tell me, what's on your "I just don't get it" list?
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1A said...

Amen on the books. Should I quote a Bible verse for that? ;)

lynnwms said...

My family thought I was nuts when I said no to a flat screen over the fireplace. THANK YOU. When I want to see burning logs, I do not want to see a pro football game hung over it.

I don't get putting kids into soccer when they are three. That should get a rise. Or into gymnastics unless they are Romanian or double-jointed. There is plenty of time to learn about winning and losing.

I don't get why secular humanists want to assure each other it's okay to not believe in God. Doesn't that in itself acknowledge the Great IAM?

antje wilsch said...

I don't get people who freak out if someone walks on their lawn. It's a LAWN. It's made to be walked on by humans and animals. Peeing I can get and not picking up doggie doo-doo but just walking on the lawn.

Just wait until water is rationed and all lawns are rock gardens...

landismom said...

Banning kids from rooms in their own house? Who does that?

I don't get people who think it is okay to say things like, "I am truly blessed by God every day!" in a conversation with a perfect stranger. Keep it to yourself, if you're that lucky.

Unknown said...

You had me until the wall-to-wall. When you live in a house with 1) no insulation in the walls and 2) no access underneath the house to add insulation to the floor, wall-to-wall carpeting with a nice thick pad underneath is just the ticket. Not to mention they don't show cat and dog hair dust bunny tumbleweeds like hardwood floors.

The thing I don't get - dressing your kids in super-expensive clothes that they are going to completely trash in about a week. Hand-me-downs, baby!

Delora said...

Why did my office just put a bunch of bottles of hand sanitizer in all the bathrooms? You know bathrooms; where there are working sinks and actual soap?

prashant said...

I don't get why secular humanists want to assure each other it's okay to not believe in God Work from home India

The Mother said...

I don't, either.

That scrapbooking thing? Astounds me.

Do they have so little going on in their lives that it's more fun to chronicle it than to live it?

If so, I have some stuff I could send their way.

Norman said...

Don't hate on my raisins...you can eat more raisins than grapes...there are plenty of grapes left over for wine...You can put grapes into anything...Grapes are good

Norman said...

ARRRGGGG....i mean you can put RAISINS into anything...of course, grapes, too...but raisins are your go anywhere fruit....live longer, eat more raisins.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on SO much of this list. It's a house. Live in it. Museums are for displays. DUH.
No Bible verse plates in Wisconsin that I've noticed, for what that's worth.

Jeanne said...

I don't get people who drive in the left lane when they're not passing. Especially if they're driving at or below the pace of those in the right lane. There's a reason it's called the passing lane.

I don't get people who don't clean up after their animals when they're out for a walk. I especially don't get it if they have lame excuses like "it smells bad." No shit.

I don't get people who invest a lot of time and energy into glorifying the good-old-days. They were only as good as people say if you were wealthy, white, male, and educated. If you're nostalgic and you're not those things, take a history class. Or civics. Progress has largely been good to the rest of us.

There are more, but I think I might just need to make some tea and relax a minute ;)

Mo said...

Okay, well I have the chess board out—but it's on the coffee table, and my husband and I play at least once a week—while we're watching the big screen TV we put over our fireplace.

But I'm with you on having formal rooms that you have to ban your kids from. Space is too precious to keep a room looking like a museum. What's the point?

This weekend I happened to notice that a few cars have decorated the space behind the window and the back seat—animal print blankets, flowers, stuffed animals. I don't get it.

dadshouse said...

I once visited a home with white carpets, white sofa, white grand piano... I don't get it! Even if you don't have kids, how do you keep a room like that spotless? And why?

My kitchen table is littered with paperwork (the shame of it)

Magpie said...

I have never seen bible verse on a license plate, or been in a house where the dining room table is set all the time.

Raisins have their moments - like in oatmeal.

And I'm largely with you on wall-to-wall, except that we do have it in our very tiny bedrooms because it helps make them seem not so small (no area rugs chopping up the space). So don't hate me.

Kelly Jernigan said...

Well, a lot of people might hate me for this one...

I don't get why EVERYTHING must be monogrammed these days - my biggest pet peeve being the CAR monogram - really? If I see a car monogram & one of those stick figure family stickers next to it, it's often more than I can handle...

Jen L. said...

I was out of town and missed this post, but I actually did a similar one yesterday!
I don't get some of the wardrobe choices college students (mainly females) are making these days. I had a student wear a corset to my class one day, then ratty pajama pants the next. WTF?

I also don't get or like houses that can't be lived in. It's a HOME people. It irks me when people buy things "just for show."

Whipped topping as frosting is my nemesis.

prashant said...

Banning kids from rooms in their own house? Who does that?

Work from home India

J.C. said...

I don't get people who give me dirty looks when I smile and say 'Hello' as I pass them on the street. Hey I'm a friendly person. I don't get people who don't say thank you when you open a door for them, what ever happened to common courtesy. I don't get why people are always amazed that my son has manners, isn't it my job as a parent to teach him to be a human being? I don't get why people push their opinions on others. Your opinion is your personal view, and it may not be mine. Are people so paranoid that they need everyone to agree with them? I don't get why people care so much what strangers think of them, why does it matter? Isn't it more important what the people you love think of you? Heck, what do I know?