Monday, December 14, 2009

Kids & Pets: All the Same

There are days I'm a better pet owner than I am a mother. I seem to have more patience with Lark, perhaps because he doesn't whine or throw temper tantrums. He also does not kick me or scream "NO" in a volume that would raise the OSHA red flag. Did I mention that Bird kicked our babysitter last weekend? Twice. Buh-bye date night.

Back to today's regularly scheduled post.

I have learned a few things from my recent life as a pet owner. The funny thing is how raising children is so similar to having a pup. Seriously, the physical demands are much the same, and the mental capacity is huge. The similarities have been enlightening. My three boys, two of the two-legged variety and one of the four-legged variety, have taught me a thing or two.

Shit happens. Often in places it shouldn't. Like the time Bird pooped on the dining room floor when he was two. And when Lark did his business on the bathmat. While I was in the shower.

Accidents happen, as in things get broken and shit happens.

No one pees, poops, eats, drinks, or sleeps on demand.

Fleece feels as good to wear as it does to chew.

Treats are better than meals. Always.

A back rub is never long enough.

Dry clean only outfits stay in the back of the closet.

Don't play tag in the house.

A potted plant or vase of fresh flowers set just-so on a side table will end up catawampus in minutes.

It's hard to distinguish what's a dog toy and what's a plush toy. Poor Deal, who has an FAO Schwartz sized collection of stuffed animals, has battled Lark for sneaking under his bed and stealing his stuffed bear, dog, hamster, yes hamster, and cat.

Selective hearing runs in the family.

No one comes when called. Unless treats are at stake.

The most expensive piece of furniture is the most coveted.

No one gets water after 6:00 PM.

It's easier to clean pee out of a dog crate than it is to change crib sheets.

Christmas sweaters do not belong on children or dogs. Or anyone else, if you ask me.

It's important to let the least out a tish as trust and responsibility grow.

Kisses are best when wet.

Clipping nails is no fun for anyone.

Bacon is good.

Potty training blows.

A warm head nestled on your shoulder is divine.

A queen sized bed is only comfortably big enough for two people.

I might need to change my blog's name to Dirt & Noise & Stink.

The biggest thing about being a mom to boys as well as a pup? They make your heart swell. With pride, affection, love, humility. They make you laugh. Every. Single. Day.
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Rebecca Gomez Farrell said...

I only have children of the furry variety and just finished cleaning up the eldest kitty's late night throw up, so I appreciate the blog. =) And entirely agree about the Christmas sweaters. I have a friend who keeps threatening to put our kitten in a sweater and I'm (not so) secretly glad she hasn't been able to pet sit in a while.

Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother said...

Totally agree on the sweaters. And the bacon.

And I've never stepped in something on the bath mat, but one of the little furry punks left something right next to the bed one night. Good morning. :-/

Heh, word verification is "potyedu". As in the school for potty training.

The Mother said...

They aren't quite the same. You can't put a shock collar on the kids. That takes all the sport out of it.

Anonymous said...

Nor can you kennel the kids...social services totally gets on your case if you do that. Ah, the pain of poorly behaved children. I am cringing with you.

Jen L. said...

I love bacon.

Yeah, this has reminded me why we're waiting til Dean's older (and potty trained) before becoming pet owners. There's only so much poop you can handle in a day, y'know?

Christmas sweaters are a sin.