5:00 Fridays

Today's drink is one in spirit of the heart instead of top shelf spirits. I am at the Blogher conference toasting motherhood, food, writing, friendship, connections, laughter, and storytelling with new friends. I am meeting some blogosphere friends in real life for the first time (that's IRL for those in the Twitter and texting know), and it is truly exhilarating. We are a gaggle of quacks tripping over each other's words and laughing and poking fun and spewing sarcasm and jokes. Hugs all around.

Today I raise a toast to my new found drinking buddies. Grab your drink of choice and think about the friends and supporters and fans you'd like to catch up with.

Cheers!

Blogher Packing Tips

I'm getting on a plane in 2 days to head to Chicago. My Blogher hymen will be popped at last. Blogher virgin no more! I haven't been on a plane without children in 6 years. No kids to entertain, bottoms to wipe in a cramped airplane bathroom, and juice boxes to smuggle, or fights to mediate. Since I didn't succumb to buying a Kindle, I'll be reading books and trashy magazines. Don't judge me if you're sitting next to me. I'll totally bust you for peeking over the spine of Us Weekly and People.

I am generally a great packer. I went to India for a week with a carry on bag once.

Here are my packing tips:

Don't pack underwear you have not worn yet. They might look pretty but make you pull out wedgies all day long. No one's gonna shake your hand if they see you with your hand up your crack.

Don't bother with shampoo and soap. Of course I don't mean don't bother using them; I mean don't pack them. The stuff at the hotel will be just fine. It's not the Motel 6, people.

Pack a cardigan. And throw in a jean jacket or just wear it on the plane. That goes with absolutely anything. But spare us the acid washed look.

Accessories are a girl's best friend. No one will notice you're wearing the same dress 2 nights in a row if you swap out your jewelry. A chunky necklace or fabulous dangly earrings will rock any outfit.

Shoes. Remember that looks and comfort are not mutually exclusive. You'll likely see me in the same black patent leather wedge sandals all weekend, night or day. Bring cute shoes that go with everything. Black sandals are the chameleon of the shoe world.

Bring a plastic grocery bag. I know, I know. You bring your own hemp bags to the store so you don't have any. I actually leave my bags at home sometimes because once in a while I need a plastic sack. If I have clean stuff at the end of the trip, I don't want it co-mingling with the dirties.

Lash Exact. Best. Mascara. Ever. You will need something to make you look awake. This magical mascara in the purple tube does the trick. And it's like 5 bucks at the drug store.

Aspirin, Tylenol, ibuprofen. Pick your poison. Vitamin B doesn't hurt either. Oh, and Tums. You'll likely be hurting so pack some relief.

Leave the linen at home.

Rollable fabrics are key. Jersey is my best friend.

Everyone will be wearing a little black dress. I too have the standard issue LBD ready to go. But we all need a piece de resistance. Mine is orange.

Don't pack outfits. Pack Garanimal style. Mix and match. All your tops should theoretically match all your bottoms.

Dresses are the most versatile thing in a summer suitcase. And the swingy shifts I wear don't require sucking in my stomach.

Lastly, bring pajamas! Your roommate doesn't really want you to make yourself at home and sleep in your birthday suit.


So what'd I miss? Anyone else have packing tips?

Kidz Bop Suckz

I hate Kidz Bop. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. For starters I can't stand when companies spell words in a cutesy way, especially when it comes to children. Here I am trying to teach my just-learning-to-read rising first grader that the plural of "kids" does not end in a "z." Of course he argues with me because he holds up the damn Kidz Bop CD case as evidence. Granted, Bird is a contrarian by nature (just like Mac Daddy, ahem, just sayin'), but in this case he's not being argumentative. I am a mother and a marketer, and in both roles I can't stand cutesy spelling. It's no different than the nonsensical babytalk that the Rugrats and Wonder Pets babble. All that Ga Ga is Ka Ka.

Those baby voices and Kidz Bop make my ears hurt like the entire city of Cleveland grating their fingernails on a chalkboard in unison to the beat of Rock n' Roll Hoochie Koo.

Unless my children are the ones singing, I have no interest in hearing a bunch of kids sing. Sorry, folks, but that ain't music to my ears. Kidz Bop takes top 40 pop music and records a bunch of kids and tweens singing those songs, many of which would not make the parental rating cut in my house. When the lyrics include things like "just shut your mouth" or "stupid," I turn it off. Likewise when the lyrics crank out some homeboy garble and attitude like "witchchoo" instead of "with you." Obviously poetic license reigns in song writing. For adults. Kids's music is a different story. I cannot stand the too cool for school attitude and lost innocence of youth that Kidz Bop purports. Besides, the original is always better. Kidz Bop bastardizes the songs, making car rides painfully numbing.

I think such music perpetutates the grown-up-too-soon attitude, lack of manners, and disrespect in the same way that all that writing on the hiney of girls' pants does. It's simply not age appropriate, not that words sprawled across one's fanny is ever appropriate. My sons are almost 6 and 4. They got those damn Kidz Bop CDs in McDonald's Happy Meals, that are age appropriate (And save the McDonald's lashing for another day, folks. Yes, we eat there occasionally and dig it. Move off the soapbox.). Personally, I think it was a sucky move for McDonald's to include those CDs as a Happy Meal toy. I'm all for music instead of made in China junk, but at least make it good music that isn't so precocious. I don't know about you, but I see plenty of bratty kids running amok. The last thing I need is for those kids to start cranking out orders for chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side.

There's plenty of good music for kids out there. I don't buy a lot of music that is kid specific, but my boys do listen to music not in the kid genre that is perfectly fun and appropriate. Here's a sampling of some staples on our iPod:

Journey - especially Don't Stop Believin'
Abba - Mamma Mia is a crowd fave.
The Beatles - We even build an Octopus's Garden every time we go to the beach.
KC and the Sunshine Band - Boogie Shoes gets us all dancing.
Cats soundtrack - Magical Mister Mistoffeles just might be our next cat's name.
Jimmy Buffet - Chanson Pour les Petits Enfants is a sure fire way to chill out the kids. And it helps with the French lessons.
Squirrel Nut Zippers - Just fun to jam to
Beach Boys and anything beachy - Good ole happy tunes with a bit of shag mixed in
Bare Naked Ladies - Fun music, but I just tell Bird and Deal that the band's name is BNL.

And these days there are plenty of good bands out there geared toward kids. We just saw Dan Zanes a few nights ago, and the show was fantastic. I'm ready to be a groupie! The Sippy Cups are also fun without being dorky (OK, but a bit of dorkiness is part of their appeal.). They Might Be Giants is awesome music whether it's the original stuff or their kid stuff. I mean really, "A little birdhouse in your soul" is so lovely and lilting. And they all beat the freaking Wiggles by a long shot.

5:00 Fridays

I have been craving some bubbly lately. Expensive champagne is not in the budget, and I don't dare crouch to the low shelf. Andre is so senior year of high school New Year's Eve in a friend's barn with horny boys who were so not getting any despite their best efforts. Not that I have firsthand knowledge of such revelry.

Prosecco is a lovely, low alcohol content bubbly white wine that tastes like summer sunshine, freshly mowed grass, a field of ripe canteloupe, and the spray of the ocean from a slow sailing wooden boat in one sip. A bottle goes down easily (I did say it's low alcohol content after all.) so stock up. I always have a few bottles on hand, especially when my dear friends Kat and Sammy pop in.

Today I am jazzing up my Prosecco with a few of my favorite things.


Maria's Prosecco

Sugar cube
1/2 ounce simple syrup
Fresh lime
Handful chopped mint
4 ounces Prosecco
Vanilla bean pod for garnish


Drop a sugar cube into a champagne flute. Add the juice of half a lime, half an ounce of simple syrup, and a handful of fresh mint roughly chopped (Luckily I have oodles of it in my garden.). Top off with Prosecco. Garnish with a fresh vanilla bean pod cut in half lengthwise.

I'm pretty sure this would have solved a problem like Maria.

Joy to the World

The best thing I can do for my children is raise them in a home bursting with joy. Unabashed, no-excuses-for-laughing-obnoxiously-loud, snorting-and-squirting-milk-out-your-nose, pee-in-your-pants, jokester joy. Joy, unlike happiness that is often misconstrued as a destination, is happenstance, free, serendipitous. It prances on us unsuspectingly, melting us into giggles and grins.

Joy is a team sport.

For much of my life I thought I grew up in house that was devoid of love. I realize now that I was indeed loved, albeit shown in ways different than how Mac Daddy and I raise our children. For starters, we have marital love, which is a far cry from my house growing up. I never doubted that I was loved but I did doubt that I was adored in the same way I treat Bird and Deal. I was cared for, fed, warm, clean, educated, and given all the opportunities in the world. But no one ever tickled my funny bone. No one nurtured and caressed the orb of innocence and delight that lollygags around in all of us, especially in children. That orb shrivels if it is not stimulated. Oh no, it was not love that my home lacked. It was joy.

I have one photo of my parents laughing. I don't even know where it came from. I recognize the clothes they are wearing so I am figuring that picture is from about 1980 or so. They are looking in different directions, but it is clear that the same thing struck their funny bones. It is a beautiful candid moment that looks like the kind of picture that comes with the frame. I have never seen my dad laugh like that in person; all I have is that photo.

My home was shrouded in a veil of stress, anger, discomfort, trepidation. Those walls rarely heard laughter. We were not a family of pranksters or joke tellers. Mine was a serious house. I never learned the philosophy of work hard play hard until I went to college. We didn't play much. At least not as a family. No one played tag in the yard, built obstacle courses out of bean bag chairs and hula hoops, or trashed the kitchen decorating Christmas cookies.

We had our share of issues, as all families do. But no one was violent or drunk or enraged. We were safe. In fact, we were guarded. We lacked spontaneity, a sense of fun, and the freedom to laugh until our bellies ached and cheeks stiffened. It was not all unhappy times. But there was no joy.

The best thing I can do for, and with, my sons is chisel my face with laughlines so that they know joy and can pass it on to their own children one day. Memories of joy is what will bring them home.

Wordless Wednesday: Following in Daddy's Path

Things I Didn't Say When I Was 5

My Bird is teetering on the cusp of 6. He just finished kindergarten and is warming up for first grade. First grade! Bird is a smart one. I realize that statement holds no credibility, considering they are borne from the keyboard of me, his mother. But trust me, he is a smart cookie. I imagine he takes after me. Ahem. Bird's precocious in a way that is charming and often alarming.

I wish I could hook him up to a tape recorder, if such a thing still exists, so I could capture the funny, crazy, silly, ridiculous stuff that he blurts out. I am amazed at the way his brain works, not only as a testament to the inner workings of his very being, but the sheer shift in how times have changed.

Just a sampling of things I know I did not say when I was 5-years old:

1. This one time, in Chinese class...
2. My German teacher said...
3. That water is zu heiss!
4. I think we need surround sound.
5. Whale is a three-way homonym.
6. But's a homonym too.
7. That hair is called blonde, not yellow, Deal.
8. I'm a LEGO architect.
9. Actually, Mommy, that is a crustacean.
10. My brain must be smart because my head is hard, not mushy.
11. Take my picture! Now can I see it?
12. Can you please pause the TV while I go to the bathroom?
13. Can you please fast forward through the commercials?
14. More proscuitto, please.
15. I'd like to have mussels for dinner tonight.
16. Do those popsicles have high fructose corn syrup in them?
17. The guy in that Hummer thinks he's so cool.
18. That huge car is bad for the environment.
19. Here are my plastic sandwich bags to wash and reuse.
20. Every animal has a job to do on our earth.
21. Sometimes you don't know who's a man and who's a woman because boys can have long hair and earrings.
22. We need some more olives.
23. Smoked salmon for breakfast? Only if we have capers?
24. Super heroes don't exist. Someone just made up the stories to teach us stuff about being strong and respectful.
25. That house is obnoxious!
26. Today in school we learned about nanotechnology.
27. Don't forget to pack the beer for the grown ups!
28. Sometimes the truth makes people feel bad.
    
29. Are you going to blog about that. Mommy?
30. Are you going to tweet what I just said?

So tell me, what are your kids saying that floor you?