Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Bad Mom Trying

Am I a bad mother if....?

I let Deal wear sunshine yellow socks to school with his gray New Balance sneakers?

I add a wee bit of sugar to my kids' cinnamon toast in the morning?

I let Bird and Deal see me naked through the glass shower door?

I use the TV as my own personal mute button to make my kids settle down so I can (pick one): breathe, pee, poop, cook dinner, check email, bid on a Trina Turk dress on eBay, order new sheets from Pottery Barn, call a friend, pet the cat, shut myself in my closet?

I tell my kids when their behavior disappoints me?

I scream at my kids just shy of letting the f-bomb drop?

I pretend to be asleep when Deal peeks into our room in the morning before 7:00AM?

I look forward to my nanny time?

I sometimes want my children to STOP. TOUCHING. ME.?

I pretend to have to go to the bathroom just to get 3 seconds of peace?

I let my kids eat Spiderman fruit snacks before dinner?

I rarely (pick one): vacuum, dust, mop, sweep, change sheets between cleaning lady visits?

I don't feel guilty for working part-time?

I don't feel guilty for missing bed time to meet friends for drinks instead?

I don't feel guilty for not feeling guilty?

I pick the books at the library that have the fewest words?

I nap during a movie at the theater, after being overstuffed with popcorn?

I don't make home baked birthday cakes, cookies, or other treats?

I don't keep a scrapbook?

I have more pictures of Bird than Deal?

I sneak fries while my kids eat fruit?

I will never make a home made Halloween costume?

I already hate of my sons' future girlfriends?

I forgot for a wee moment that I had kids while away on my girls' weekend?

I don't want to be on the PTA?

I kiss my husband in front of my kids?

I don't tolerate Raffi or other such kid tunes in my car?

I don't say bed time prayers?

I am saving for my kids' future therapy?

I stopped trying to be perfect?

Let's face it. I can't compete with the uber moms of the world. You know who you are. I used to spite you. Then I was jealous, with a hint of envy. Then I became disinterested, thinking that if I pretended you didn't exist you would go away. Now I surrender. I stopped caring. Not about Bird and Deal. About competing.

Trying to be perfect, or fit someone else's version of it anyway, sucked when we were in 8th grade. It sucked more in high school. It still sucked in the sorority days of college. I figured at the ripe age of 39 I'd be over the Queen Bee drama of womanhood, motherhood, peoplehood. I am done. I can't and won't compete. I'm in a good place, even if that means being a not-so-great mom once in a while.

How about you? Tell me your shortcomings and victories.
A Bad Mom TryingSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


Anonymous said...

Here's to truthful, funny, down to earth, regular moms! I get so irked by moms who seem out to PROVE something by insisting they do -and then boast annoyingly about- all that perfect mom stuff. "WE made every ornament on our tree this year! It was SUCH fun! How did you decorate your tree?" "Ummm... its still November, my tree isn't up yet." When did parenting become such a hard core competition? And cripes, guilt rules all for moms. For me, its food. I got the Jessica Seifeild book and tried all those fancy healthy recipes. I busted my hump to make food they hate it. So back to chicken nuggets and frozen veggies. Ick. And I try and play out in the yard with them, but soon they are fighting or I am chasing the ball in the street b/c its funny for them to throw it there. Ok, everyone back inside. Lets cool off and watch some MORE Noggin. I suck. And theres THIS thing, the computer I am on... "I'll be right there honey.. I promise, we'll play candyland (for the umpteenth time...gag)" Post post post, read read read, people people people, I need grown up contact and if I have nag my boys to take turns or have to sing the "clean up" song ONE more time, I will honestly heave myself into my gator riddled back pond!!! AH!

Anonymous said...

As a mom of four, I think I've done all of those things probably at least 4 times. LOL Bad mom? No way! In touch with what we need mommies.. thats what we are.

Anonymous said...

If letting our kids choose their own clothes, it will prevent a fight I don't want at 6:00 in the morning. I too go on the computer to hear the latest Ilian Blogs while Z man is watching TV. Outside will soon be taken away if he poops there one more time. I almost have had enough. Dinners pretty simple, whatever he wants I won't waste it if I know he won't eat it. He throws the bun or bread at school, so they got smart and just don't offer it. So I will add my list to the not so bad mom. I do what I can to get through the day. I still make sure there is love, hugs and kisses. In my book that is all that matters sometimes!!

Anonymous said...

I knew I liked you. Cheers! (I'm virually clinking my wine glass, filled at 2pm, another one of my occasional shortcomings.)

High Heeled Mama said...

I think the post needs a new title: A Good Mom Trying is more appropriate.

And let's see...cinnamon toast shouldn't have sugar on it?

If it weren't for Sesame Street, I'd never shower.

I don't feel guilty about girls night, either, even if the peanut poops in the tub and the hubby has to deal with it alone while I'm out (oh well).

And kissing in front of the kids should be applauded. They need to see a loving, happy marriage.

I'll raise my evening cocktail in your direction while I'm not feeling guilty that the hubby does bath time every night while I pretend for a half hour that I have nothing to do.