Monday, December 1, 2008

Getting Trashed

I hate litterbugs. Hate them. Hate them. Hate them. I think they should be jailed in a dumpster behind a Slim Jim factory. There is no earthly reason to open up your car window and toss out trash. No matter how small. Cigarette butts included. Do you hear me, smokers? You're polluting our earth enough as it is with your carcinogens that I don't choose to inhale. Oh, don't get me started on how much I abhor smoking. Did you catch that, Mom? But I digress, as I so often do... I cuss like a mother fucker when I see people litter from their car (in my head, of course, my boys will out-cuss me in due time, but I don't need to be the one to teach them this particular habit).

Here are some things that I've spotted on the roadside and in the brush in the last couple weeks. I've been jotting them down in my blog fodder notebook (not while driving, only at red lights and in the car pool line). Note that I usually drive within a five mile radius of my house, and most of it does not involve a freeway. That's means that this crap is littering my neighborhood streets. And my water. And my soil. It is not only unsightly; it is unsafe (and not just because I am gawking at it while trying to write in my little notebook).

Getting Trashed gets a whole new meaning:
  • a pair of boxing gloves
  • one shoe, looked like a sneaker
  • bag of apples
  • ballet slippers
  • pair of twisted up jeans
  • stuffed plastic Hefty bag that I feared contained body parts so I did not stop for closer inspection
  • small wooden crate...perhaps some woodland creature ate the clementines it once housed
  • speakers, really big ones from back in the day that pass for end tables
  • dog leash...in my head the dog once attached to said leash is perfectly happy and safe
  • lawn furniture cushion
  • various mega size soda cups and burger wrappers
  • pillowcase
  • baseball cap
  • backpack (feared explosives were inside so I hightailed it outta there)
  • strap of some sort that looked like a yellow karate belt
  • malt liquor cans, really big ones
  • velveteen Crown Royal bag
  • tube socks
  • sand pail
  • something tangles that looked like pieces of a blow up holiday lawn Santa
  • plastic milk jugs, liter bottles, cans
So I wonder what the story is behind all this lost/littered stuff. Did some fed up minivan mom toss out her daughter's ballet slippers when the whining reached fever pitch? Did the baseball cap blow off some dude's head when a double rig sped by? Did some party animals toss the malt liquor cans in haste when they spotted an under cover cop trailing them?

What do you think? Tell me a story about how one item ended up littering my path.
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dadshouse said...

I hate cigarette butts! I see someone smoke, then they dump their butt on the sidewalk and step on it. WTF? Is it totally fine for them to litter like that?

Your litter list is amazing. Sounds more like a yard sale than roadside trash. I want the big speakers.

The Cube Monkey said...

On our way to the mom-in-laws for Thanksgiving I spotted a loaf of bread in the road. How the hell do you lose a loaf of bread?

Anonymous said...

I also dislike smokers, my comments have also reached my son who now also makes comments. As for the trash wow, it sounded like a spin off of the book I Stink by Kate and Joe McMullan. As for my story of trash, to early can't think of one.

San Diego Momma said...

Do you live by Inspiration Point?
Because that could explain the shoe, the baseball hat, the twisted up jeans, the tube socks, and the yellow karate belt-like strap. Also maybe the pillowcase and the alcohol. Possibly also the dog leash.

I'm at a loss for the other stuff. :)

p.s. I ALWAYS used to call (but I think it's discontinued now) 1-800-NO-SMOKE when I saw someone throw a cig butt out the window. You can "report" them and they get a non-legal warning sent to them.

Anonymous said...

Litterbugs should be pelted with their own trash. Here is my guess on the tube socks - dude really has to blow his nose before a big date. Of course the only thing he has is a pair of tube socks. And of course you don't want your date to see that. So out the window it goes.

Anonymous said...

I'm a regular walker and my camera is my only companion. I've taken pictures of litter before, and I hate it, hate it, hate it, too.

Once I came along a leg brace, you know, like you put on your leg is you've sprained an ankle. I wondered if the person wearing it had a sudden recovery, thus not needing it anymore.........:)

Anonymous said...

Ok here is a story about an item.

The ballet slippers came from a little girl, who never wanted to take dance in the first place. Her Mom forgot to put the lock on the windows, so she rolled the window down and threw them out. She desparately hoped that would be the end of the dreaded dance lessons.

Magpie said...

A carefree young man was driving down the road in his convertible when his baseball cap flew off of his prematurely bald head.

Anonymous said...

People throwing their cigarette butts on the ground is my biggest pet peeve! In fact, I will go all Christian Bale on them whenever I see them carelessly chucking their butts wherever they please. To read my full rant, check out the "Keep Your Butt in the Car, Dammit!" entry on my blog: www.parentheticallyspeaking.wordpress.com.