Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Boob Slang as Explained to My Boys

As some regular readers might know, I'm doing the Race for the Cure in a couple weeks. Our fantastic team name is Stop the War in My Rack. I know, I know. I'll wait while you recover from your eyes aglow of cleverness. I was all "Yeah, I'm part of the cool team." Harumph. Harumph. Gloat. Gloat. Sure, it's the first time I've ever been in the cool kids club. Nevermind that it took 40 years. I've been basking in glow of my rack.

And then the T-shirt arrived on my doorstep.

A pink camo number with the words Stop the War in My Rack emblazoned across the front. My sons are naturally drawn to anything camoflauged, and I was suddenly flirting with being in their version of the Cool Mom Club. Bird, who's starting to read, sounded out the words. Quizzically he asked, "Stop the war in my rack? I don't get it. What's a rack?"

I subconsciously peered down at my own rack. Hmmm, not bad after 40 years, two kids, and two surgeries.

Now was not the time to explain puns to a five and three year old so I went with the obvious. I explained slang words for breasts. That required a quick anatomy refresher. I went on to explain that "rack" was another word for "breast," though not a polite one we would use at school or in the company of anyone with the title Pastor, Father, or Sister. I could not, of course, say this without grabbing my Girls with an emphatic squeeze.

Then the boys asked me for more synonyms for breasts. I obliged, even though I recently yelled at Mac Daddy for teaching the boys slang words for "bottom" on a particularly long and painful car ride. And so now Bird and Deal know such terms as Girls, boobs, boulders, and of course, rack.

So yeah, my parenting can be rather redneck at times. White Trash Mom doesn't call it Trashy Thursday for nothing. I figured it was way easier to hoe the path of titty slang than to explain the real deal of breast cancer to my sons.

Boob Slang as Explained to My BoysSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


The Mother said...

It is SO much easier to be honest than to remember all the lies as the kids get older.

Even if it does seem trashy at the time.

Jen L. said...

Gah, I love you. I can just see you matter-of-factly having this discussion with them. You're such a cool mom. Your boys are going to be awesome men.

Now, could you please come to my house and get my husband to stop pointing and yelling "Tippies!" every time I take off my shirt? Dean's starting to mimic him...

colby said...

Wait until they start school and hear all the slang out there for penis, it took me about 35 years to hear all the versions of that one!!

Anonymous said...

Y'know, it means more coming from you than from the playground--and at least your kids will know what the slang means now when they hear it. I've addressed similar things with the same candor--honesty being my preferred policy;)

DCUrbanDad said...

Water just shot up my nose.