Monday, February 18, 2008

Super Heroine

Bird and Deal love to play superheroes. Yesterday Bird was Captain America, the red Power Ranger, and a really beefed up Spiderman all in the span of one hour (precisely the time it took Deal to dig enough holes for an 18 hole golf course in our yard). Bird is a true quick change artist even without a phone booth on the premises. I even made the boys superhero costumes once, and boy do those suckers look HOMEMADE (and not in the quaint Cracker Barrel crocheted dishtowel way). For starters, I admit that the superhero names I chose were not all that menacing - Super Bird and The Real Deal. I don't have it in me to be a bad ass. If I were in the midst of some back talkin', temper tantrum throwin' four-year old antics I might be more inspired to come up with something that invokes rage. But alas, I stuck with something more on the quaint side.

Are my children destined to get the snot beaten out of them on the monkey bars because I am raising them to be wimps? Or worse, dorks? I was a dorky kid, and trust me, it takes a really, really, really, long time to experience divine justice when the tables turn and the mean, popular girls are chunky and broke from all the Botox injections. It might have taken 20 years, but I didn't look so bad at my high school reunion. Infinitely better than the bitchy clan...and you know damn well who you are.

When Bird and Deal play superheroes they invent these amazing powers that sprout totally from their own imaginations because we don't let them watch that crap on TV. I'm pretty sure there are some preschool buddies who are contributing to indoctrinating my boys to the world of superheroes too. Some powers that Mac Daddy and I must contend with: "I can blast slime and sludge through my fingers to make you stop in your tracks! I can spray water through my cape strings! I can be invisible to spy on you! I can make sticky gum appear to get you stuck! I can turn into a policeman and arrest you! I can shoot lasers through my eyes! I can create a force shield to trap you! I can make the earth's core open up and eat you!" They run amok through the house exclaiming their powers and zapping all the bad guys in their path. I'm good with this game for about, um, 5 minutes...max. Mac Daddy digs it and could play all night. In fact, I think he keeps the boys up past their bed time just to relive his youth from the days before it was misspent.

After I had conked out one evening and tried to lounge on the couch with the latest issue of Cookie, the magazine for hoity-toity parents, Mac Daddy decided to try to bring me back into the fold because he must have thought I was feeling left out or something. He's a special guy that way. But for the record, I was perfectly content with my magazine sporting images of new moms wearing size 0 white jeans while tossing their infants into the air with manicured nails and a snapshot look of glee on their bleached white teeth and nary a well-coifed hair out of place. But I'm not bitter.

"Let's ask Mommy what super hero powers she would have." Mac Daddy

"Let's see...I would be able to eat whatever I wanted and still weigh 100 pounds and have a totally sparkling house at the snap of my fingers." Me, feeling pretty good about my answer and half wishing it were true

Insert glazed over, deflated, uninspired pathetic looks from Bird and Deal here. I swear they looked like stoners for a second there.

"You see kids, that's why there are no girl super hereos." Mac Daddy

Check these out for the real superheroines out there:
Super HeroineSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

1 comment:

CroutonBoy said...

That's precisely why I love that guy.

I would think you'd choose Super Shopping as your power. Able to spot a killer deal from miles away.

My super power was already taken by the Spleen.